What’s an alcoholic? Girl shares alcoholism therapy story, ingesting an excessive amount of
Erica Barnett calls herself an “ugly drunk” – not the kind of alcoholic who gets friendlier and happier with every sip.
“I would fall down the stairs and pass out in people’s homes. I would fall asleep on the bus and be woken up at the end of the line and get into verbal fights with people. I was just very uncomfortable, “said 42-year-old Barnett TODAY.
“Most of the stories you read about women and drinking don’t really emphasize things like the fainting spell, the vomiting, and just the illness. But it’s very real – this happens to women. “
The Seattle journalist said she missed nearly a decade of her life when her drinking problem got out of hand in 2007. At the height of her addiction, Barnett drank more than two bottles of wine or one bottle of vodka a day.
She was laid off from a job, lost a relationship, lost friends, and found it difficult to support herself because she spent so much money on alcohol, she writes in her new book, Quitter: A Memory of Drinking, Relapse, and Recovery. ”
Now Barnett, who has been sober for five and a half years, watches with concern how many people turn to alcohol to cope with the stress and anxiety of life during the pandemic.
Alcohol sales rose this spring during the national lockdown. In a survey, one in three Americans said they drink more alcohol during work hours if they are stuck at home. People joked about relying on “quarantines” to get through the day.
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“I hate the hilarious marketing that ‘Everything is great, it’s 4 o’clock somewhere.’ It drives me crazy, “said Barnett.
“If people drink that much right now, you will see more people seeking treatment and more people becoming addicted.”
She shared what it was like trying to end her addiction and what it took to finally recover:
You don’t just hit rock bottom and “get it”
Barnett: People tend to believe that when someone gets addicted, it gets worse, they bottom out, and then they realize that they need to get better. Then they do whatever it takes and they are forever better.
In reality, at least to me, you’ve hit what looks like a rock bottom. You may stop for a while, you may not, and then you hit another thing that looks like a low point.
When I lost my job, I should definitely have quit because that was probably the worst thing that ever happened to me at the time. But I didn’t and things got worse and they got a little better and a little worse.
There will be relapses
Barnett: Relapse is not a failure. Alcoholism is a disease the symptom of which is relapse.
I went to cognitive behavior therapy and an outpatient treatment program. I went to detox about five times when they gave you medication to get you through rehab and they let you go. I went to traditional 28-day rehab twice.
When I first went into treatment, I fell back within three months. My parents were really disappointed, and I was disappointed in myself too, because I thought the treatment was supposed to fix me – and it didn’t. This narrative that it is a one-off thing puts people in shame and keeps them from trying again.
You can try again immediately. People need to know.
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There is no wake-up call
Barnett: Most people who have really bad addictions like me are well aware that they should stop. You don’t have to tell them.
When I finally stopped it had nothing to do with what had happened. It literally came out that one day I woke up and was done.
I hear this from so many other alcoholics and addicts – they lived their lives and felt miserable and one day they just got the inner motivation to change. I don’t know where it came from, but if you are lucky it will eventually.
AA is not for everyone
Barnett: AA has definitely been a huge part of my sobriety and recovery, and it still is. The thing about Alcoholics Anonymous is that the important thing is to take what works and leave the rest.
In AA you count your days from the first day of sobriety and I think this can be really problematic. You can really feel like a failure if you go to zero every time you relapse. This can be a poisonous idea because when you have some level of sobriety, be it a day, three months, or six years, you are building tools and learning from that experience. You don’t lose this knowledge if you relapse.
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Advice for people who want to drink less
Barnett: If you want to turn to drinking as a coping mechanism, it is important to stop and say, “What am I feeling, what is causing this feeling, and how can I otherwise deal with this feeling?”
There are tons of people who drink easily and just want to drink less. If you think you might have a problem – this is a different category of people – it’s a good idea to say, “I won’t be drinking at all this week or this month,” and if you can’t – I can don’t even fathom it – it’s probably a good idea to speak to someone professional to see if you need help.
Life on the other side
Barnett: My sober life is so much better and I’m just so much healthier than drinking. Even people who have no problem with drinking should experience a little of it and get to know each other without alcohol in the picture.
It took a long time for my brain to come back, but my physical health came back very quickly. I feel like me again.
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